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Thursday, December 29, 2016

Not So Silently Freaking Out

This past Wednesday we had an additional ultra sound at our 28 week appointment. Our OB's office doesn't usually do one at point in the pregnancy, but since Sasquatch (lovingly nick named by his two aunties!) was measuring a bit short at our 20 week ultrasound, the doctor wanted another look.

Well, shockingly enough, he is still showing up as pretty dang behind in length. 3 weeks plus, to be more specific. Last time he was only 2 weeks behind. Luckily, he is still growing strong and everything else looks perfectly healthy. 42nd percentile for weight, so that's pretty good! (Right? I don't really now, but the tech sounded happy about it. So I'll take it.)

BUT. I am still freaking out. We have to go back in a couple weeks for a high risk, level 2 ultrasound at a specialist's office per the doctor's recommendation. I know we shouldn't have any reason to worry, especially since the genetic testing was normal and everything else looks fine, but I am an absolute mess. 

Let's not forget to mention that mama is 4'11" and dad is only 5'9-10" so it would be perfectly reasonable to expect our babe to be a bit short. BUT. I'm 35. I have a brother with Downs. And if this was someone else's pregnancy, they'd be freaking out too. It's pretty easy to do when you're hormonal and responsible for the well being of a teeny little human that's growing inside you.

I'm not looking for advice or sympathy, I just need to vent a bit to get it out of my system for a few hours. And this is what this space is for me. A place to get out the stuff rambling around in my brain. Nothing like a mother's love for her child to make pregnancy super scary and anxiety ridden, eh? I'm sure if it wasn't this freaking me out, it would be something else. I'm a natural worrier. 

And so is my husband. So when he sent me a message yesterday a few hours after we left our appointment in tears, I knew everything is going to be fine. He said, "I don't know what we expected to hear from the extra ultrasound. We're both short. You're abnormally short. Your parents are abnormally short. My parents are pretty short. I'm short. Why did we think that after 8 weeks our son was magically going to grow to be a normal length? It's just not genetically possible for us to have a normal height child. He's growing fine and the doctor's are just double, triple checking to make sure they are covering all the bases." 

I know he's right, and I know everything will be fine. As long as we tackle whatever life throws at us together, we can handle it. And in the end, I know if our son has Downs or some other diagnosis, everything will still be good. Just a bit different than expected.


{Jude at 28 weeks and 3 days gestation and his Uncle Will at around a year and a half. Both are pretty stinking cute and can be found sitting on the window ledge behind my desk at work. A pretty sweet sight and nice change of scenery from my spreadsheets!}


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